Have you ever felt completely and utterly empty? That is how I felt the day that I sat in the doctor's office and was told that I would never be able to have children. My body would regect them and I wouldn't be able to carry any child past the first trimester.
I was 15.
Ever since I can remember all I've truly wanted to be was a Mom. A Mom like my dear Mother who gave up literally everything, putting herself last, to raise my siblings and I.
On career days in elementry school I would tell them I wanted to be a Mom, only to be shot down by the teachers.
I can remember walking home that afternoon, skipping the rest of the days classes, in complete dispare. I had always thought that God's plan for me included a bunch of kids. I'd always dreamed of having 4 little olive plants (as discribed in Psalms) a boy, 2 years latter a girl, a break and then another boy and girl. Now I felt lost, trapped, not knowing what was in store for my life.
Fast forward 3 1/2 years. God had brought a wonderful man into my life. He was kind, knowlegdeable about the Bible, gentle yet strong in character, from a great family, and even though he was a bit older he treated me with respect and I never felt younger around him (though we often got comments). He was a true gentleman, Christ like. Before the relationships I had were well, disrespectful.
We had been in a serious relationship for nine months and I knew that this was the man that was the answer to my ernest prayers. I had found the man that God had choosen for my husband.
He wanted children. He loved children. I had to tell him that according to the doctors I could never give him a family of his own. Never bear his children.
Instead of turning from me, he stayed by my side, believing that with God all things are indeed possible.
We did not have an easy relationship, even my Mom was against it at the beginning. We would do the daily readings over the phone and chat, seeing each other only at Ecclesial functions when 'dating' was out. On July 17th he asked me to marry him. We spent so many evenings at Second Cup I do believe that we kept them in buisness over the following 7 months! Now that we were engaged the presure on the relationship from the outside stopped and we blissfully prepared for our life together in the LORD.
We had been married for a year and a half when I went for a checkup, this time to a doctor in the States as that was where we were now living. My mouth dropped to the flour when she informed me that my previous diagnosis was wrong.
We had the same chances of having children as anyone else.
Now I have 2 little olive plants running circles around me daily. A boy, and then 2 years latter a girl.
Miracles do happen to those who love the LORD.